1. Nature
I hate how beautiful the trees are. The lakes, the rivers, the wild poppies. And whenever you look up, it’s hills and mountains again.
2. Water
I hate how tasty the water is. And it’s everywhere. So annoying. Little drinking fountains on street corners, in parks, along hiking trails that you can drink from anytime.
3. Air
I hate how fresh the air is.
4. My extended family
I hate how big my extended family is, and how lovely, caring, warm, generous and kind they are. I hate that this is something I’ve got that money can never buy.
5. Wide pavements
I hate how walkable my city is. The furthest person I know lives about a 25-minute walk from my place. I also go on walks around the city and do weekly hikes in the forest. The forest is a 3-minute drive or a 25-minute walk away. I hate how near everything is and that I never have to take public transport or even a car.
6. People
I hate how friendly, helpful, and alive people are here. I hate how that makes me more alive too. I miss feeling dead inside & zoning out (dissociating)…
7. Children
I hate that 11 babies have been born in my family since I left in 2007, and I’ve got so many nieces, nephews and cousins… there’s just not enough time to love them all. I also hate how child-friendly Armenia is. I’ve even seen children allowed in gyms, which I’ve never seen accepted anywhere else.
8. Blue skies
I hate how blue the sky is.
9. Food
I hate how tasty fruits and vegetables taste here. Tomatoes are actually red. Even the bananas taste better, and they don’t even grow here. And avocados? Someone asked me before I moved back if you could get avocados in Armenia. I hate that I was wrong, you can find anything here.
10. Climate
I hate the seasons. I hate how my city beautifully transitions from one season to the next. And the fact that it hardly rained in autumn… 🙄 I hate how it was sunny even in winter after a heavy snowfall. (I miss the permanent cloud in Singapore & the monsoon seasons!)
11. Vegan proteins
I hate that there is only one vegan store in the country, though it’s got EVERYTHING. I hate all the vegan sausages, pepperoni, and even Armenian sujux and basturma.
12. Armenians are attractive
I hate how attractive Armenians are. I hate how attractive people are here doing completely ordinary things. I once saw A&E nurses, male and female, and I looked around for a film crew and cameras thinking they were actors but there were none.
13. Hair
I hate waking up with good hair day everyday. I miss my frizzy hair. I hate that the hairstylists here know how to work with my hair. I miss salons turning me away because they can’t handle curly hair (Hi Bali!), or three stylists huddling around me to straighten my curly hair (yes, this actually happened in Bangkok!), and paying more than $100 for a haircut at an expat salon (obviously… Singapore).
14. Being a citizen
I hate that I have all the benefits of being a citizen in my own country. I miss being a foreigner and things being 10x harder for me than the locals. I miss not having negotiating power in my jobs / partnerships. I hate that I don’t have to worry about long-term / work visas anymore. I’ve finally registered my business under my own name, and didn’t get locals involved / pay thousands of dollars… (also the taxes for my type of business is 1%, lower than anywhere else in the world).
15. Delivery
I hate that you can get deliveries from all over the world at reasonable rates. I’ve ordered from Decathlon in Spain and Amazon in the US.
16. Rent
I hate having my own permanent space. I hate that the money I used to spend on rent can be spent on other things.
17. Reasonable pricing
I hate that cost of living is about 2-3 times cheaper here than in Singapore. Also, I hate how my city is not as crowded as the capital, and there are no traffic jams & that we have cooler summers. Yerevan deserves its own mention though. I’ve been to 20+ cities across Europe and I hate how Yerevan is right there with them.
18. And lastly
I hate how I don’t hate Armenia, at all. I left all my summer clothes in Singapore (with my dad) thinking I was gonna go back to Thailand, but I can’t imagine myself living anywhere else in the world right now. This is my sanctuary, it’s where I’ve stored all my childhood memories, and having been such a happy child, it feels like a cheat code because I’m back to being that happy.
I was so afraid of coming back, making new memories and overriding the old ones (yeah, I thought my brain would work like a hard drive).
I didn’t want to be disappointed.
But it’s been nothing but a great sense of fulfillment & extreme joy.
On one of my earliest hikes with my cousin (17 then, now 18), he asked “Shusho, so are you going to stay here?”.
I said yes.
He then shared something he’s been learning in school. He told me about King Arshak II, who was held captive by the Persian King Shapuh. Shapuh brought soil and water from Armenia and spread it over half the room. When Arshak stood on the foreign side, he was meek and submissive. But the moment he stepped onto the patch of Armenian soil, he stood tall, became defiant, and remembered who he was.
My cousin then told me, “Armenian people need to be on Armenian soil.”
And you know what? I felt that.
There is a whole literary tradition around this feeling, called “Karoti Grakanutyun”, the Literature of Longing, born after the Genocide. Writers like William Saroyan wrote about how an Armenian outside Armenia is always somehow incomplete. Poets like Silva Kaputikyan spent their lives reminding the diaspora that living in a “golden cage” abroad is meaningless if the homeland is left empty.
Someone else I met recently, who moved back from Singapore after just 18 months (not years), said, “I’m not the type of Armenian to get off the plane and kiss the soil.” (There are some Armenians who do that!) She was about to tell me her reasons for returning… And you know what? I’m not that type either. But I’m very close 😂